Friday, March 09, 2007

Rosie O’Donnell America’s Moral Compass

The Vatican has the Pope and America has Rosie. Since taking over the morning program talk program, “The View” Rosie has established herself as America’s moral authority on everything from the war in Iraq to Donald Trump’s handling of the Miss America Contest.

If you want to know right from wrong Rosie’s view is definitely what America thinks. She even does miracles. As you know Rosie, the American sage, is openly lesbian, and everyone knows that if you’re born that way you can’t change.

But the miracle worker that Rosie is, she has managed to change her once long time lesbian lover Ann Heche into a heterosexual, what a truly wondrous accomplishment.

Rosie hasn’t run out of sagious insights either. According to her, the show American Idol has sinned. Yes it appears that America’s top show is racist, sexist and the newest “–ist” just made up by Rosie “weight-iest”

According to Rosie, weight-iest is the discrimination against the class of people of weight. Wait a minute…can Rosie sang? I’d swear if I didn’t know better maybe Rosie has a secret American Idol dream, it sounds like she wants to be the next American Idol.

Either she wishes to be on the American Idol show or she’s campaigning to be the new spokesperson for people who are discriminated against by weight-o-phobic skinny people.

Meanwhile America’s self appointed moral compass has me doing something that I thought that I would never do. What is it that Rosie has me doing? Why agreeing with Osama bin Laden. Bin Laden through a 1998 Fatwa in which he declared war on the United States of America said in so many words that America was morally depraved and only submission to Islam would help America.

So, if Rosie is the best that we’ve got to direct America’s morality then I agree with bin Laden America is morally the arm pit of the world.

The only bright spot may be Rosie’s apparent knack for turning Lesbians into heterosexual women, that feat alone just might be a thing that would help me put up with her extraordinary need to dominate others with her opinions.

In any event watching Barbara Walters melt into obscurity under the volume and shadow of what is Rosie is like watching oxygen being sucked out of room by a Bisol vacuum cleaner.

All the while I’m just waiting for the show to be renamed, “Rosie’s View and Moral Opinion show.” Might as well call it what it is!

Hey it could happen, Rosie’s one moral compass that works miracles and on top of that she’s inventing new classes of people that we didn’t even know that we were discriminating against.

Hey maybe she should get Katie's job, CBS's ratings couldn't get any worst!

Now that’s what being American’s moral compass is all about!


  1. Anonymous11:35 AM

    Ellen Degeneres was Anne Heche's girlfriend. Not Rosie.

  2. So Ellen Degeneres is the miricleworker?